Harvey Keitel Scares Me, Sells Gatorade

It's nice to know that enough time has passed since the last time Harvey Keitel worked with Martin Scorsese that he is currently not above propagating Italian-American stereotypes in order to hawk soft drinks. Everybody's gotta work.

That being said, Keitel certainly is in full-on creepy old guy mode in Gatorade's newest commercial. The way I see it, Derek Jeter isn't so much compelled to run towards second base as he is to run away from Harvey. (If Jeter's the go-getter this advertisement might have us believe he is, why wasn't he able to stop the Red Sox from sweeping the Yankees in historic fashion over the weekend? Maybe he should have volunteered to pitch a few innings.) But my favorite aspect of the spot is that the Angels' John Lackey had no problem participating in a nationally-broadcast television commercial in which he is referred to as a "schmendrick". And Anaheim* fans continue to wonder why their team gets no respect.

(*That's right--just plain, soulless Anaheim, not "Los Angeles of Anaheim". One team can't be from two different cities that are 30 miles apart from each other, thank you very much.)

Vitaminwater Leaves Urlacher $100,000 Thirstier

Continuing the Chicago Bears' storied tradition of promoting non-NFL-sanctioned sponsors at Super Bowl-related events and being forced to pay handsomely for the indiscretion, linebacker Brian Urlacher has been fined $100,000 for wearing a vitaminwater cap (as in baseball, not bottle--that would've just been silly) and drinking the advertised beverage during the media day leading up to the most recent NFL title game.

Gatorade is the official beverage of the NFL and, apparently, nobody--no matter how tough he might think he is--fucks with Gatorade.

This incident marks the first time that a fine of such magnitude has been levied (Jim McMahon was hit with a comparatively measly $5000 charge for a similar offense back in 1986), although $100,000 is the current standard. What's crazy is that the same violation brings with it a fine of $10,000 during the regular season, but 50 grand during the Pro Bowl. Five times the amount for a game that that is probably viewed by about a fifth as many people? I guess the NFL has to make up for lost revenue somewhere.