She Definitely Didn't Have To Go

There are many things that could be said about Anthony Merino, the 24-year-old lab technician at Holy Name Hospital in Teaneck, N.J., who was arrested on Sunday after he was caught having sex with the corpse of a 92-year-old woman inside the institution's morgue...but perhaps no words are more fitting than the lyrics of the song that, at the time of this writing, is currently playing on Merino's own MySpace page [in the likely event that Merino soon alters his page, see screenshot below for proof]--Rihanna's "Don't Stop the Music":

It's gettin' late
I'm making my way over to my favorite place
I gotta get my body moving shake the stress away
I wasn't looking for nobody when you looked my way
Possible candidate (yeah)
Who knew
That you'd be up in here lookin' like you do
You're makin' stayin' over here impossible
Baby I must say your aura is incredible
If you don't have to go, don't

Do you know what you started
I just came here to party
But now we're rockin' on the dance floor
Acting naughty
Your hands around my waist
Just let the music play
We're hand in hand
Chest to chest
And now we're face to face

I wanna take you away
Lets escape into the music
DJ let it play
I just can't refuse it
Like the way you do this
Keep on rockin' to it
Please don't stop the
Please don't stop the
Please don't stop the music
[Repeat]

Baby are you ready cause its getting close
Don't you feel the passion ready to explode
What goes on between us no one has to know
This is a private show (oh)

"Oh", indeed...as that was probably the first of two words that came out of Merino's mouth once hospital security guards interrupted his private show.

In this time of personal crisis, perhaps Merino himself can turn to his MySpace page (his handle: "playboygtr")--in particular, his current profile quote, courtesy of Ralph Waldo Emerson [again, see screenshot]--for a guideline to the intense soul-searching he has no doubt already begun:

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us."

ANSWER KEY: (a) Police; (b) The nude corpse of a 92-year-old woman; (c) Shame.

Thanks to the hard-rocking "Jesse" for the tip.

'Diddy' Not a Stupid Enough Name to Prevent Other People from Wanting It

You would think that an adult could voluntarily refer to himself as "Diddy" and be left alone, if not derisively laughed at by others. But the artist (?) formerly known as Sean "Puffy" Combs, aka Puff Daddy, aka P. Diddy, aka Diddy, aka Diddy Kong (he hasn't actually started using that last one yet, but I assume he will) currently finds himself facing legal action from a London-based record producer named Richard Dearlove--who, for reasons unfathomable to man, also wants people to call him "Diddy" with a straight face.

Specifically, Dearlove wants people to know him as Diddy on MySpace and YouTube in Britain, and he claims that the American Diddy (the "real Diddy", if there could be such a thing?) has broken an earlier agreement not to let his MySpace and YouTube pages show their faces in Dearlove's territory and risk confusing residents of England as to who is the One True Diddy.

I don't know how you prevent web pages from being viewed by an entire country, but if Dearlove wins his court case, American Diddy is going to have to figure it out (and I'm sure he could--he seems quite computer-savvy) or change his name on the internets. Dearlove's lawyer is suggesting that American Diddy revert to a "neutral" name like P. Diddy (since when is "P. Diddy" neutral?), but I think that American Diddy should turn this lemon of a legal situation into lemonade and use the opportunity to once again completely overhaul his moniker. In addition to the previously suggested "Diddy Kong", he might also want to consider "Ziggy", "Twinkletoes", "Secretary Assface Fairypants", or perhaps "Guy Who Might Have Secretly Been Involved in Killing the Notorious B.I.G."

Hmmm. Maybe not that last one.