Large Infant Inspires Radio Announcer to Boast to Mother About Eating Small Dog

When the Boston Celtics' Glen "Big Baby" Davis hit a 20-footer at the last second to defeat the Orlando Magic and tie the series on Sunday, that was crazy.

Little did I or anyone else watching the game on TV know at the time, however, that the play's level of insanity was nearly immediately challenged by WEEI-Boston radio broadcaster Cedric Maxwell, who hysterically exclaimed:

"That is how ya do it, big fella! You GO GET IT! It's ON THE LINE! Mama, I'm coming to see ya, somebody get me a napkin--'cause this puppy is OVER!"

The "napkin" part I kind of get, as it references a phrase previously coined by Maxwell (last quote)...but everything else raises questions about Maxwell's personal life whose answers might be too disturbing to explore...

Lance Bass Chooses to Embrace Ugly Stereotype of His Own Lifestyle

Remember how, at the height of *NSYNC's popularity, any time you would hear one of their songs on the radio or stumble across one of their videos or find yourself staking out their hotel when their tour came to your town, you'd reflexively bat down any confusing feelings of pleasure and/or jealousy by remarking, "Those dudes are so gay"?

Turns out Lance Bass would have agreed with you.

Doing his part to try and reverse what little progress homosexuals have made in contemporary culture, Bass has told GQ that he once thought the majority of his bandmates were friends of Dorothy.

I understand that you've got a book to sell, Lance...but I question the wisdom in doing so at the expense of playing right into one of the biggest fears of homophobes, i.e.: Every gay person wants everyone around him to be gay so he can have gay sex with them all the time. Additionally, partnering your predictable namecheck of Justin Timberlake (in that he's the only former *NSYNC'er anybody gives a crap about anymore) with the supremely non-famous Chris Kirkpatrick (better known as Spider Head) on your "I kinda thought he was gay" list, while a somewhat clever ruse, ultimately does not distract from the reality that--just as I predicted back in March--when it comes to promoting your own relative celebrity, you know that everybody else knows exactly where your bread is buttered.

On the plus side, though, Spider Head--as evinced by his fervent participation in the above-linked Access Hollywood story--seems pretty excited that someone has actually remembered his name. So at least some joy has come from all of this.

Lance Bass Gambling That Some *NSYNC Fans Have Learned to Read

Speaking of people who aren't astronauts...former non- Justin-Timberlake-member of *NSYNC and current homosexual-at-large Lance Bass has announced plans to have someone ghostwrite an autobiography for him. Scheduled for publication in October, the book will be titled--are you sitting down?--Out of Sync. Get it? 'Cause, see, the band he was in was called *NSYNC, and now he's out of the closet.


Nothing? Well, I'm sure you'll put it together later.

E! Online has managed to scoop (and for some reason decided to publish) the exact amount of pages that Bass' memoir will contain, declaring the total to be 256. If you figure each chapter in the book will run between 12 and 15 pages, bringing the number of chapters in at about 19, Lance Bass' life story will probably break down as such:

Chapter 1: Growing up in Mississippi.
Chapter 2: Joining *NSYNC and meeting Justin Timberlake.
Chapters 3-17: Justin Timberlake.
Chapter 18: The astronaut thing.
Chapter 19: I'm gay.

That is only a rough estimate, of course, as I personally hope Bass will dedicate a few pages toward the end of the tome to explaining whatever became of Spider Head.

Tennessee Lawmaker Hopes to End Abortion by Assigning Fetuses Paperwork

How is it that the people who view abortion as "evil" continue to come up with the most evil plots to try and forward their cause?

Republican Rep. Stacey Campfield has introduced a bill in Tennessee that would require death certificates for aborted fetuses.

If you thought the last part of that sentence read "death certificates for aborted fetuses," you are not mistaken.

Since Campfield won't openly cop to the obvious fact that the true goal of the proposed legislation is its would-be incidental result of creating public records identifying women who have abortions--thus potentially dissuading them from doing so--it only makes him look that much crazier. Good plan, Stacey.

[Ed. note: Since this story is so depressing, in an attempt to brighten it up somewhat I decided to post, in lieu of a photo of Campfield, one of fellow Tennesseean Justin Timberlake, who recent records indicate brought sexy back.]