Drunken Shia LaBeouf's Auto Tragically Neglects to Transform Into Bot

One of the perils that comes with achieving Hollywood notoriety at the tender age that Transformers star Shia LaBeouf has is the possibility of confusing real life with the movies in which one has appeared--especially when one is drunk.

When the intoxicated LaBeouf was attempting to make a left turn at the corner of Fountain and La Brea early Sunday morning and saw that he was about to collide with another vehicle, it's likely that, rather than applying the brakes, he maintained speed while commanding his truck to "roll out"--expecting it to take to the air, alter its structure to that of a sentient robot while doing a backflip and land safely in a fighting pose, having kept LaBeouf and his passengers unharmed. As it happened, LaBeouf's truck remained a truck, smashed into the other vehicle and rolled over instead of out. LaBeouf was taken the hospital and arrested for suspicion of DUI prior to undergoing surgery on his injured left hand.

One has to assume that his spirits remain high, however, as he's expecting his dad, Indiana Jones, to come and rescue him at any moment.

Josh Duhamel Is Smartalicious

If you choose to participate in cloying puff pieces that are nothing but terribly disguised promotions for Michael Bay "films", you might not come off looking as...let's say, scholarly...as you might have wanted to.

Example: Josh Duhamel--whose relationship with Fergie the AP story in question calls "a match made in Hollywood heaven with hot looks to match their hot careers" [Ed. note: Person who wrote the AP story, how do you sleep at night?]. The most colorful term he can come up with to describe his (lovely) lady (lumps) is "a real total star", in the process smashing two awkwardly-paired superlatives together like one imagines Optimus Prime collides with Megatron in the upcoming Paramount Pictures action movie Transformers, which I understand opens July 3.

Showing boldness on the level of the Autobot Ironhide, the 35-year-old Duhamel goes on to categorize the 27-year-old Ryan Gosling as an "actor [his] age", and explains that his career motivation stems from a need to "prove [him]self to be more than what people think they see"...in other words, more than meets the eye.

"People don't know what you're capable of until you actually do it," Duhamel remarks. And he's absolutely right...for now I know that Josh Duhamel is not capable of giving interviews.

Also: Transformers, Transformers, Transformers.

Future of Horse Racing Lies with Frank Stallone of Animals

I'm no psychologist, so it's difficult to determine whether the horse racing world is in the "denial" or "bargaining" stage of grief over the recent death of Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro, but everyone is almost definitely setting themselves up for disappointment by counting on his brother to carry on his legacy. Though it is no doubt heartbreaking for those close to the sport to know that Barbaro's potential to develop into the next Seattle Slew or Secretariat will never be fulfilled, you might want to rethink transferring all of those eggs into the basket of a horse with (literally) no name.

Just because the yearling in question shares the same mother and sire as Barbaro (or that the sire's name, Dynaformer, may be doubly encouraging in that it makes one suspect he's an Autobot), that doesn't necessarily mean that he's cut out for racing. Maybe, like Jimmy Carter's brother Billy, he'll make a career of endorsing a namesake beer, or, like Patrick Swayze's brother Don, he'll, uh...occasionally hang around with Patrick Swayze. The point is, if things don't pan out for Barbaro's younger brother in the realm of horse racing, it won't be the end of the world.

After all, Barbaro's mother is currently in foal again to Dynaformer...and that horse could easily turn out to be the next Jim Hanks.