White Hawk Down

Hillary Clinton broke her arm just to get out of a meeting with Angelina Jolie...because Hilldog keeps it real.

Presidential Candidates: They're Just Like Stars!

Either in an effort to make politics appealing to the Us Weekly crowd or because Tuesday was the slowest news day ever, the AP is reporting that Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are distant relatives of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, respectively.

Researchers at the New England Historic Genealogical Society (who apparently chose not to comment on the revelation that Obama appears even ruder, now, for declining Pitt's offer to stump for him back in October) found ways to link all three current presidential candidates, including John McCain, to a number of celebrities--from Celine Dion to the Bush family to Jack Kerouac (whom we can all stop mourning for dying young, in that he would have killed himself upon learning of his tangentially shared heritage with Hillary Clinton). One might find that if one traces the candidates' lineages back to the dawn of time, they're pretty much related to everyone.

It's almost as if all human beings are of the same species. Far out.

Sorry, Ladies...Duckie Is Off the Market

When it comes to entertainment news, most blogs these days tend to focus their coverage on your Lindsay Lohans and your Paris Hiltons (and your occasional Angelina Jolie, when one wants to class things up). Where does that leave the internet peruser eager to stay informed of the latest ongoings in the personal lives of lesser-to-totally-forgetten celebrities?

Right here is where.

If for no other reason than holding the distinction of running a blog that featured the man twice in as many weeks, I'm here to tell you that Jon Cryer got married to Lisa Joyner over the weekend.

What are you going to do with that information?

Nothing?

You damn skippy.

Brad Pitt Cleverly Doesn't Leave Space for a 'Maybe' Box Write-In

"I find you in the morning sky, in the sound of children's laughter, in the motion of every stirring wind."

First, the bad news: If you somehow, someday manage to fulfill your wildest dreams and become a rich, handsome movie star adored by millions the world over and who is (more or less) married to one of the most beautiful people in the world, who also happens to be a wealthy movie star adored by millions the world over...you will still be lame.

The good news? At least you have your health. Unless you don't. In which case I guess there is no good news.