White Hawk Down

Hillary Clinton broke her arm just to get out of a meeting with Angelina Jolie...because Hilldog keeps it real.

Tom Brady Reads This Blog

Apparently daunted by Metroville's challenge to redeem last year's Super Bowl loss, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady opted on Sunday to cut his season short--more specifically, to less than one quarter of one game.

You're welcome, Matt Cassel.

Seriously, Mark Prior--Just Quit

He's nothing if not consistent. Mark Prior, the Second-Most Injured Man in Baseball™ (behind Ken Griffey Jr. and just ahead of teammate Kerry Wood), is done for the season due to injury.

Technically, it was a surgical procedure to repair his injured right shoulder that put Prior down for the count, but let's not split hairs. The important issue is trying to figure out if this is the season that Mark Prior will finally reveal to Chicago Cubs fans that his entire career has been a hilarious prank, and he was never actually a pitcher to begin with. The laughter will bring much-needed relief.

Kerry Wood is Fall Apart Rabbit

Chicago Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood has apparently decided to give Ken Griffey, Jr. a run for his money in his quest to become the World's Most Injured Professional Baseball Player. After gradually decomposing over the past three seasons--culminating in his only making four starts last year and thus limiting his opportunities to hurt himself--Wood has savvily raised his injury game by expanding it beyond the baseball diamond, most recently having gone ahead and threatened his career by falling out of a hot tub.

It's a move that shows great forward thinking on Wood's part: Now that his right shoulder injury has become such a problem that he's being converted to a relief pitcher for the upcoming season, he knows that he's not going to be getting in as many innings as he did when he was a starter--which translates to fewer chances for bodily harm. With "Mr. Glass" Griffey, Jr. able to get himself on the DL for months at a time with barely more than a stiff breeze, Wood knows that he's going to have to get creative to stay competitive...and this hot tub incident could be just a preview of much more ridiculous injuries to come.

[Ed. note: I was disinclined to post back-to-back rabbit-centric stories, but once I had found out about this guy, I just couldn't resist.]