Special O'Fiction

The White House is pooping its pants about it; Fox News is emitting a comparatively much more enjoyable discharge about it; Keith Olbermann is probably regretting allowing Craig Ferguson to promote CBS about it.

All of these people (and many others) are taking issue with the fact that President Obama, while appearing on "The Tonight Show" on Thursday, compared his bowling skills to those commonly displayed at the Special Olympics...but they're doing it for the wrong reason.

This is not a sensitivity issue: Barack Obama--who is neither mentally nor physically disabled--did not disparage Special Olympics participants by equating them to himself; on the contrary, he complimented Special Olympics participants by equating them to the freaking President of the United States (deliberately, it should be noted, which is a key distinction from the last guy). He was wrong to do so, however, based on factuality: Barack Obama has gone on record (as seen in the above video) that his best bowling score is 129; by comparison, the highest bowling score of note at a recent Special Olympics event was 39--which would have given Obama a ninety-point edge.

"Special Olympics", my ass, Mr. President. You would own that shit.

Second-Most-Predictable Comic on Television Draws Line at Most Predictable Joke in News

Craig Ferguson, the host of CBS' "The Late Late Show"--whose personal brand of consistently unfunny comedy is steeped in the Yakov Smirnoff tradition of "I'm from another country! Isn't that hilarious?"--made a point of not making a Britney-Spears-shaved-her-head joke on Monday night's broadcast, saying that "we shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable."

I don't know where Ferguson gets off telling people who they can and can't make fun of. The only person who's in a position to set an example like that is the number one late-night talk show host in the country...and the only way to attain that foothold is to tell the most mind-numbingly obvious jokes conceivable, night in and night out. It's also the only way to maintain the spot, so Ferguson's really fighting an unwinnable battle, here. He should stick to what he knows best: being ignored in favor of Conan O'Brien.