Hey, Mickey! (clap-clap!) Don't Do That!

Since Mickey Rourke made his triumphant return to the limelight on the wings of his widely-acclaimed (and deservedly so) performance in The Wrestler, everyone--including those too young to have been aware of the actor during his original heyday--knows the story of his long, hard fall from respectability.

But now Mickey's back! He won a Golden Globe (and thanked his dogs in his acceptance speech)! He's a favorite to win the Oscar for Best Actor! He didn't win that category's SAG Award on Sunday, but that's okay!

You know what's not okay, though?

The fact that--a couple of hours before Mickey Rourke lost the aforementioned prize to Sean Penn--the Oscar-nominated star of The Wrestler announced that he will be participating in "Wrestlemania 25".

You shouldn't do that, Mickey. You really shouldn't do that.

At the very least, you shouldn't have announced that you were planning on doing that before the Academy Awards...'cause it is sure to cost you some votes.

Exactly how many votes remains to be seen, but--god forbid...it might be just enough to greenlight Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man Ride Again.

UPDATE (1/28): Defamer has the exclusive that Mickey, per my suggestion, will not be doing that. A wise choice on his part.

Father Tags In His Love (Featuring Joe Scarborough Narration!)

With stories of fathers pushing their sons too far in sports practically being a staple of our culture, one can easily lose sight of the phenomenon's inspiring flipside: the men who are so dedicated to protecting their kin from the dangers of physical competition that they won't hesitate to injure other children in their cause.

Take, for example, the heartwarming tale (which, perhaps fittingly, broke on Valentine's Day) of Illinois resident Ray Hoffman--part-time wrestling coach and candidate for World's Greatest Dad--who, when his son was being pinned in a wrestling match, bounded into the ring and body-slammed the offending 11-year-old.

Here's to you, Ray, for breaking the stereotype of the American sports father.

[BONUS: Don't ask why the above YouTube clip of this incident includes the low-level audio from a totally unrelated "Scarborough Nation" broadcast; just immerse yourself in the soothing dichotomy.]

Nebraska High School Wrestler the Typhoid Mary of Herpes

Who would have ever thought that the practice of half-naked teenagers grinding their sweaty flesh against one another could pose a health risk? The Minnesota State High School League is thinking it now, as they've banned wrestling until February 6 after tracing 24 cases of herpes gladitorium reported by members of 10 different teams to a wrestling tournament known as the Clash Duals that took place in Rochester, MN December 29-30. There were two teams from Nebraska that participated in the tournament--Valentine and Omaha Skutt--and it's been determined that an unnamed young man from Valentine (naturally) is likely the engine that got the STD train rolling. He should totally mention this incident on his college applications--talk about making an impact in your community!

What's important to note, here, is that for all the stupid names associated with this story (Clash Duals, Omaha Skutt), the coolest one actually belongs to the strain of herpes in question. "Gladitorium"? There's no more badass-sounding disease you can contract, other than perhaps "Thunderdome Chlamydia".

For their part, the School Activities Association in Nebraska--the state that houses the kid who started this whole problem, mind you--has no plans to enact a wrestling moratorium similar to the one laid down in Minnesota. So if you're a Nebraska high school student currently looking to join an extracurricular activity, I heartily recommend the chess team.