Metroville
Finally...a website.™
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
'Junior 2: Paternity Suit'
Good luck blaming this one on DeVito, ya jackwagon.
Labels:
arnold schwarzenegger,
celebrities,
entertainment,
maria shriver,
movies,
politics,
sex
Thursday, May 12, 2011
The Ballad of John Demjanjuk
[opening guitar strum]
Gather 'round and let me tell you the story of John Demjanjuk--
Ah, forget this. I can't rhyme anything with "Demjanjuk"; I'm not even sure how it's pronounced. But the dude apparently had a hand in killing like 28,000 people during the Holocaust. He's going to prison.
[closing guitar strum]
Gather 'round and let me tell you the story of John Demjanjuk--
Ah, forget this. I can't rhyme anything with "Demjanjuk"; I'm not even sure how it's pronounced. But the dude apparently had a hand in killing like 28,000 people during the Holocaust. He's going to prison.
[closing guitar strum]
Labels:
crime,
germany,
holocaust,
john demjanjuk,
nazis,
ohio,
war,
world war ii
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Ding, Dong (Etc.)
Nicely done, Mr. President.
Producing a falsely-doubted birth certificate and a highly-desired corpse makes for one hell of a week.
Producing a falsely-doubted birth certificate and a highly-desired corpse makes for one hell of a week.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
BEAT THIS HEADLINE:
"NPR Exec Caught On Tape Calling Tea Partiers 'Racist'"
I got one:
"Fish-Lizards Caught On Shore Like A Billion Years Ago Calling Sky 'Blue'"
Monday, February 28, 2011
Can't Believe Buckles Buckled...
There is no reason for a perfectly healthy 110-year-old American war hero to die other than the stress that comes from realizing that the current U.S. President is less than one hundred-percent Caucasian.
Name me one other reason, you freedom-hating hippie liberals!
Name me one other reason, you freedom-hating hippie liberals!
Labels:
barack obama,
death,
frank buckles,
military,
obituaries,
politics,
race,
war,
world war i
Monday, January 17, 2011
You Guys Read the Internet?
Me too! I even have a blog: [URL NOT FOUND]
You follow professional sports? Me too! I happen to have a preference for Boston-based teams, including (but not limited to) the football squad that recently got their (gorgeous) teeth kicked in by one from New Jersey! (No, not that one--the one with the head coach who mistakenly thinks that he can bury his self-loathing under a pile of fried foods, narcissism and sexual perversion.)
According to the internet, the New [LOCATION PERSISTENTLY UNDEFINED] Jets are the best foot-based sports team ever now and they will never, ever, lose again.
For real! It's on the internet!
You follow professional sports? Me too! I happen to have a preference for Boston-based teams, including (but not limited to) the football squad that recently got their (gorgeous) teeth kicked in by one from New Jersey! (No, not that one--the one with the head coach who mistakenly thinks that he can bury his self-loathing under a pile of fried foods, narcissism and sexual perversion.)
According to the internet, the New [LOCATION PERSISTENTLY UNDEFINED] Jets are the best foot-based sports team ever now and they will never, ever, lose again.
For real! It's on the internet!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
U.S. Male
FROM: John Hinckley, Jr.
TO: Jared Lee Loughner
What the hell, dude? I was just trying to impress a famous girl I thought was pretty. I didn't make it political.
FROM: Jared Lee Loughner
TO: John Hinckley, Jr.
Neither did I.
TO: Jared Lee Loughner
What the hell, dude? I was just trying to impress a famous girl I thought was pretty. I didn't make it political.
FROM: Jared Lee Loughner
TO: John Hinckley, Jr.
Neither did I.
Monday, January 3, 2011
You Know Who Hates Good Actors? Mortality.
That sumbitch just took from us Pete Postlethwaite--the spelling of whose surname I memorized after seeing In the Name of the Father in 1993 and haven't forgotten since.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
"Ex-Massage Therapist's Rampage" Is Now a Phrase on the Books
Thanks, MSNBC, for making that happen.
And thank you more, ex-massage therapist who went on a gun rampage at a school board meeting in Panama City, FL, for failing to hit anyone you shot at--which otherwise would have made the phrase "ex-massage therapist's rampage" not so funny.
Thank you less for eventually taking your own life--which is never funny.
Nice save, "Today Show"! You felt the need to point out that the graffiti that the ex-massage therapist spray-painted on the wall before going on his unsuccessful gun rampage maybe referenced a Natalie Portman movie that nobody saw, thereby pulling an ultimately sad act closer back towards the realm of stupid.
(As for the lady who weakly hit the guy with her purse somewhere in the middle...God bless Florida and to all a Merry Christmas.)
And thank you more, ex-massage therapist who went on a gun rampage at a school board meeting in Panama City, FL, for failing to hit anyone you shot at--which otherwise would have made the phrase "ex-massage therapist's rampage" not so funny.
Thank you less for eventually taking your own life--which is never funny.
Nice save, "Today Show"! You felt the need to point out that the graffiti that the ex-massage therapist spray-painted on the wall before going on his unsuccessful gun rampage maybe referenced a Natalie Portman movie that nobody saw, thereby pulling an ultimately sad act closer back towards the realm of stupid.
(As for the lady who weakly hit the guy with her purse somewhere in the middle...God bless Florida and to all a Merry Christmas.)
Labels:
america,
clay duke,
crime,
economy,
education,
florida,
guns,
media,
msnbc,
panama city,
today show,
v for vendetta
Monday, October 11, 2010
Is New York City Actually "Gotham City" and Batman Therefore Real?
Batman has got to be real. Otherwise, there would be no explanation for the existence of New York gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino--whose mind-boggling hate speech could only reasonably be credited to a 'Penguin'-esque fictional supervillain.
Disagree? The next two things you'd tell me would be (1) "the first black American President has a shot at a second term" and (2) "heavily-sponsored white folk driving vroom-vroom machines in a continuous left-hand-turn 'til somebody done get smashed up and burned real good isn't recognized throughout America as a 'sport'."
Disagree? The next two things you'd tell me would be (1) "the first black American President has a shot at a second term" and (2) "heavily-sponsored white folk driving vroom-vroom machines in a continuous left-hand-turn 'til somebody done get smashed up and burned real good isn't recognized throughout America as a 'sport'."
Labels:
america,
barack obama,
batman,
carl paladino,
culture,
gotham city,
new york,
politics,
sports
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Metroville's Movie Corner: Did I or Did I Not See 'Inception'?
I did.
No, I didn't.
Or did I?
Never mind that. What matters is that you think Christopher Nolan is a self-important douchebag--
Or is he?
Yes, he is.
What? No. How dare you.
Or don't I dare you?
What else were you going to do this weekend--clip your toenails while chasing down the deadbeats in your fantasy World Cup Soccer league?
Just go see Inception and forget about all that.
But also don't forget about any of it, ever.
Or do.
No, I didn't.
Or did I?
Never mind that. What matters is that you think Christopher Nolan is a self-important douchebag--
Or is he?
Yes, he is.
What? No. How dare you.
Or don't I dare you?
What else were you going to do this weekend--clip your toenails while chasing down the deadbeats in your fantasy World Cup Soccer league?
Just go see Inception and forget about all that.
But also don't forget about any of it, ever.
Or do.
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