Monkey Desperate to Avoid Working with Emile Hirsch

MSNBC.com is reporting [Ed. note: or, I guess, "scooping"; I'm told that "Jeannette Walls delivers the scoop"] that PETA is up in arms over confirmed reports that a chimpanzee on the set of the upcoming live-action Speed Racer adaptation bit an actor, leading to allegations that the animal has been beaten. (Unless directors Larry and Andy Wachowski have opted for an all-chimpanzee cast, one has to assume that the simian in question is portraying Chim-Chim.) The film's producers have responded with assurances from the American Human Society that no animals in the movie are being abused, but PETA remains unconvinced.

Both sides are apparently choosing to ignore the most obvious explanation for the chimp's behavior: he was merely trying to demonstrate for the movie's lead actor, lifeless slouch Emile Hirsch, how to properly emote.