Monday, June 28, 2010

Thursday, June 24, 2010

'Small Wonder' Is Back!

And she got pregnant out of wedlock when she was 17! And she was briefly engaged to the meathead who knocked her up on orders of the GOP in a desperate attempt on their part to blush over the latent hypocrisy of her biological state as it compared to the religious-fanatic, "sex is scary and gross"/"family first"-and-whatnot party line but she ended up not having to marry that guy (who now sells indehiscent fruits on television) after some black rapper beat an old man in the race to let her mom be Vice-Secretary of Flag Pins and Machine Guns or something!

But now--just like her mom--she's on TV for absolutely no goddamn reason at all and making people-who-have-functioning-brains' brains hurt!


[NYMag via Movieline]

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Beat On that Red Sox Mickey Mouse All You Want, Anaheimans...

Those futile swings won't bring your prop-board shantytown any closer to being an actual city (like, say...the one from which your baseball team embarrassingly pretends to be).

[OC Register via Deadspin]


I consider myself something of an amateur detective. Having concluded that the Van der Sloot boy's claim of innocence holds merit, I demand that he be released at o--

*killed by Van der Sloot*

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Who Created 'Trivial Pursuit' and Is Now Dead?

"Chris Hanley" is your answer? Are you sure?

Well, you're wrong: The man's name was actually Chris Haney. Now on to the next--

What? No... "Hanley" and "Haney" are two completely distinct words. Plus, it was for a pie piece...

Fuck you, I'm "cheating"! Don't bring Aunt Kathy into this! How about we have one fucking year where Thanksgiving isn't totally fucking ruined?!

(table flip)

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Stay Classy, San Diego Clippers*

*Which they will, despite not having existed for the last twenty-six least in contrast to their current city's big sister team, if Los Angeles Times sportswriter Ted Green is any indication of the Lakers' level of class.

Wrote Green of the Celtics' Paul Pierce (who miraculously survived a violent attack on his life in 2000): "Pierce's idea of a fun night is going clubbing and getting stabbed. Good times!"

HAHAHAHAHA--yeah, good times. Almost as good of a time as Paul Pierce is going to have watching Banner #18 be hung in the rafters of TD Garden, you sub-literate dicktard.