DAY 1: "Let's all settle in for 30 straight days without sunlight in our remote Alaskan town. What the fuck--vampires? Let's hide."DAY 7: "Okay, a lot of us got eaten by vampires over the last week. Let's all try to do a little better at hiding."
DAY 18: "I'm not so sure that the fact that progressively fewer of us are being eaten by vampires is a reflection of our improved hiding skills so much as it is of the fact that there are increasingly fewer of us for the vampires to eat. Percentage-wise, it's pretty much a wash."
DAY 30: "All right, just one day of night left! Anybody seen the hero's love interest? What? She's outside, hiding underneath a car with some little girl none of us had seen before who just popped up in time for the climax while the vampires burn the town? Sonuvabitch."
DAY 31: "Well, 5 of us survived...out of 160-plus. Let's call it a moral victory. And hey--we can be thankful that even though the hero turned himself into a vampire to save his love interest, he didn't eat any of us or her for no good goddamn reason other than apparently he was just that heroic."
The end.
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