"You Can Have Your Money Back, Sure. But Wouldn't You Rather Have a Piece of Paper that Isn't Money?"*

*To paraphrase the ingenious plan of the promoters of the late Michael Jackson's never-to-be concert tour in their attempt not to eat 90 million dollars.

Everyone You Might Have Heard of Is Dead

Barely did this website--my mom's number twelve source for news--have time to pay glib, meaningless tribute to the passing of Ed McMahon last Tuesday when the Celebrity Grim Reaper expanded that incident into an all-out bender that claimed Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, pitchman Billy Mays and, most recently, impressionist Fred Travalena.

That's enough, Death! Very uncool of you to pull this shit while I was looking the other way.

Cash4Gold, MC Hammer Held for Questioning in Ed McMahon Death

Yeah, no, they aren't. Plus, one of them is a website.

But Ed McMahon is dead...and that is sad.

White Hawk Down

Hillary Clinton broke her arm just to get out of a meeting with Angelina Jolie...because Hilldog keeps it real.

That Theme Song Goes with Anything

Leave it to the internet to finally make a worthy Star Wars spinoff.

Somewhat ironic that Tom Selleck was originally cast as Indiana Jones...

[YouTube via Movieline]