It's Up to You, ___________, to Renew My Interest in the Boston Celtics

Throughout my childhood, I was a diehard Boston Celtics fan. Somewhere after the retirements of Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, Robert Parish, Dennis Johnson (R.I.P.) and Danny Ainge (who's currently, um, kind of hurting the team as its general manager), the death of Reggie Lewis (again, R.I.P.) and before the time when the Celtics became of one the worst teams in the NBA, I lost interest. Go figure. (And after the (actual) retirement of Michael Jordan, I all but lost interest in the NBA entirely.)

But the Celtics did so poorly last season that I couldn't help but start rooting for them again...rooting for them to lose so that they'd get the top pick in the 2007 draft and maybe give Celtics fans past and present something to cheer about.

They managed to screw that up, breaking an 18-game losing streak that--had it gone one more--would have guaranteed them the number-one spot on draft day. In the draft lottery last month, the Celtics came out with Number 5--a rather deep pick for a team as bad as them.

And moments ago, with the fifth overall pick in the 2007 NBA Draft, the Boston Celtics have selected...

NOBODY.

Before the second pick (which was Seattle's; they selected Kevin Durant) was announced, the Celtics traded their pick (along with Wally Szczerbiak and Delonte West) to Seattle--giving them #2 and #5--for 32-year-old Ray Allen.

Thanks for nothing, Danny Ainge.

(I wonder if there's any room on the Supersonics bandwagon...)

'The Hanukkah Song' Is About to Become Dated

With his announcement that the Seattle SuperSonics will likely relocate to another city after the 2007-2008 season, I'm not sure that Sonics majority owner Clay Bennett realizes just how far-reaching the damaging effects of such a move could be.

Obviously, it wouldn't make the homegrown Seattle fans happy; ever since Bennett bought the team last year, they've been worried that he would transplant it to his former stomping grounds of Oklahoma, and now that fear is closer than ever to becoming a reality. More importantly, though, once the "SuperSonukkah" are no longer in Seattle, Adam Sandler's original "Hanukkah Song" isn't going to make any sense (never mind the question of whether or not Bennett is Jewish--the rhyme scheme is all that matters)--so there goes the Holiday Season.

But the unequivocally worst ramification of a Sonics departure from Seattle is that the twenty-year-old case of "The Silent Assassin", who terrorized the city on and off between 1986 and 1999--only striking during Sonics games--will likely remain forever unsolved.