Global Warming Sets a Course For Adventure, Your Mind On a New Romance

The Coast Guard has some bad news for all the polar bear-loving, skyrocketing gas prices-complaining-about, not-wanting-the-planet-to-die hippies who have a problem with global warming: the rapidly melting ice in the Alaskan Arctic is opening up new routes for cruise ships.

Who has a problem now?

Certainly not Admiral Thad Allen, the head of the Coast Guard, who sums up the situation thusly: "I'm agnostic to the science and the debate about what the cause is. All I know is there's water where there didn't used to be."

That's just the kind of unassailable logic that the American people have come to expect from their protectors at home.

Ralph Fiennes Likes His Women Airborne (and Possibly Trapped)

I've always presumed actor Ralph Fiennes to be somewhat of a bore, that his commonly respectable yet stuffy choices of film roles were a reflection of the man himself. Little did I know that he had already proven me wrong last month by letting his fun side out on a Qantas Airways flight from Australia to India, where he allegedly became "amorous" with a female flight attendant in the lavatory.

The flight attendant, Lisa Robertson, who as of yesterday has been suspended by Qantas, is denying that she had sex with Fiennes--that she, in fact, thwarted his inappropriate advances. Whether or not she's telling the truth is irrelevant, for all that matters is this:

Ralph Fiennes just became a little more interesting.