Seattle Schadenfreude

From birth to present, I've been a New England Patriots fan. Following the team's first (non-joke) Super Bowl appearance in 1997, Pete Carroll became their head coach; he skillfully took them from good to mediocre, to bad, to a joke (again) in a scant three years.

The year after I graduated from the University of Southern California, that very school (because Yahweh knows I'm a football fan and hates me) handed Patriots-ruiner Pete Carroll the reins of its vaunted football team.

Over the next eight years, I was left to impotently try to explain to my fellow alumni that Pete Carroll was a terrible football coach while he ostensibly "led" USC to two national championships and received (unwarranted) credit for returning the Trojans to prominence.

Finally, in 2009, the emperor's new clothes were revealed as USC sucked goat balls. And what has Pete Carroll done as a result?

He has bailed, taking a wholly-undeserved sick contract to coach the NFL's Seattle Seahawks.

While I feel bad for the football fans of Seattle and the meager-hope-trumping failure that they will experience in 2010, I am very excited to say to Pete Carroll:

Best of luck in in the Pacific Northwest, you mealy-mouthed sonofahamster. The ghost of Drew Bledsoe's career-that-could-have-been awaits you on "ESPN Purgatory".

John Furia, Jr. - 1929-2009

In terms of modern celebrity, there are two kinds of artists: those of widespread fame and those who are subjectively famous, known primarily to students of their particular field and/or work.

Screen and television writer John Furia, Jr., who passed away on Friday, falls firmly into the "subjective celebrity" category for me. Had I not the privilege to know the man personally as well as to be taught by him, it's likely that I wouldn't know his name.

But I did, so I do...and I will remain forever grateful.

Here's to you, Professor Furia.

He Got the Hook-Up

As we all learned from Hoop Dreams, athletic ability can be the key to escaping a life of poverty and opening the doors to a brighter future for African-American youths...but even for the most talented among them, this is still far from a guarantee.

As we all learned from Black Supaman, Master P doesn't know how to spell "Superman".

How are these two things related? The son of the aforementioned one-time rap impresario and multi-millionaire, Lil' Romeo--himself once a somewhat successful hip-hop performer--has been awarded a basketball scholarship to the University of Southern California [FUN FACT: USC is Metroville's alma mater, of which he only becomes ever more proud]. According to SI, Romeo, currently a senior guard at Beverly Hills High School, signed his letter of intent "at a news conference held at a posh hotel near Beverly Hills".

So it was pretty much exactly like Hoop Dreams...except with insanely rich kids with ridiculous stage names instead of impoverished kids who struggle to afford shoes, Beverly Hills High School instead of the Chicago projects, and an infuriating happy ending instead of a depressing realistic one.

Let me hear you say UUUUUGH! (Na-na, na-na!)