Cash + Beer + Meat = Underage Daughter

How strong is the American economy? Strong enough that a farmer in Greenfield, California was willing to sell his 14-year-old daughter into marriage in exchange for $16,000, 100 cases of beer and "several cases of meat".

What a steal!

The father of the bride had second thoughts, though, once the purchaser of his child failed to make full payment. Naturally, pops notified the police about the faulty transaction, whereupon he was arrested on suspicion of human trafficking. Go figure.

And the Bush Legacy train rolls on.

America's Beer Now Made By Weirdo Foreigners

Baseball. Apple pie. Right-wing Christian fundamentalism. These are the things we think of when we think about what it means to truly be an American. But we care more about these things whenever we're drunk on beer--specifically, the most American of all beers: Budweiser.

Whose parent company, Anheuser-Busch, now belongs to some Belgians.

I don't know how American Jesus could have let this act of terrorism happen--and on the Sabbath, of all days--but you can bet yer ass no God fearin', truck drivin', NASCAR lovin', Toby Keith listenin', 2nd Amendment misappropriatin' REAL American will ever again let a drop of Budweiser touch his Made-in-the-USA lips.

Unless there's still going to be alcohol in it. Is there still going to be alcohol in it?

Chris Knight Would Be Proud

Acknowledging the fact that a beer-catapulting refrigerator would be almost guaranteed to seriously injure or kill someone if it were ever mass-produced, it's still nice to know that there are at least some engineering graduates trying to create a better world for us common folk.