[opening guitar strum]
FROM: John Hinckley, Jr.
Thanks, MSNBC, for making that happen.
Those futile swings won't bring your prop-board shantytown any closer to being an actual city (like, say...the one from which your baseball team embarrassingly pretends to be).
I consider myself something of an amateur detective. Having concluded that the Van der Sloot boy's claim of innocence holds merit, I demand that he be released at o--
Thank god my mom's in Europe right now.
Full disclosure: I actually don't know how one would do that.
No one could have imagined that a media outlet as classy and respectable as "Extra" would ever be responsible for a thoughtless error, especially not in regards to such a delicate story as that of Chris Brown beating up Rihanna.
How strong is the American economy? Strong enough that a farmer in Greenfield, California was willing to sell his 14-year-old daughter into marriage in exchange for $16,000, 100 cases of beer and "several cases of meat".
Who'da thunk it: you need a permit to eat monkey meat in the United States. Better make sure your papers are in order, Colonel Sanders.
As that crazy lady who didn't become vice president was wont to remind us, Alaskans like to shoot things dead. I'm pretty sure that she was talking about defenseless animals, not political aspirations...but her fellow statesmen have apparently seen fit not to draw such a distinction, first hobbling her own professional future, then--on Tuesday--putting a bullet between the eyes of an octogenarian convicted felon's career...on his birthday!
Say what you will about neo-Nazi skinheads Daniel Cowart and Paul Schlesselman (I'd start with "they're kind of racist"), the young men certainly set lofty--and weirdly specific--goals for themselves. Not only did they plan to assassinate Barack Obama, the act was to have been their suicidal grand finale to a murderous spree that took the lives of 88 (because--follow along here--'H' is the 8th letter in the alphabet, so two 8s mean two 'H's and two 'H's obviously mean "Heil Hitler") African-Americans, 14 of whom (everybody knows that the number 14 is associated with the 14-word phrase, "We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children") were to be killed by decapitation.
When the story broke on Thursday about a young woman in Pittsburgh having the letter 'B' carved into her face by a mugger after he saw her McCain bumper sticker, you almost had to be a little bit happy for the McCain campaign: finally--after all the treason-proclaiming, murder-instructing and out-and-proud-racist nutjobs that have emerged in support of the GOP candidate--they had a crazy person on the Obama side (and a big black one, to boot!) to point to in their defense.
One of the perils that comes with achieving Hollywood notoriety at the tender age that Transformers star Shia LaBeouf has is the possibility of confusing real life with the movies in which one has appeared--especially when one is drunk.
Continuing what is apparently Awesome 80s Music Week here on Metroville is some decidedly un-awesome news (involving a member of a band that it is, admittedly, significantly less awesome than the one featured in the previous post): Former Poison drummer Rikki Rockett has been arrested on rape charges.
