Monday, January 14, 2008

Mary J. Blige to Be Stripped of Home Run Record

Will the ripple effect of the Mitchell report never end?

The Times Union in Albany, NY has broken a locally-based story about a steroid investigation that goes well beyond sports and in the realm of hip-hop and R&B. Naturally.

Named as recipients of illegal performance-enhancing drugs are Mary J. Blige, 50 Cent, Timbaland, Wyclef Jean, and--my personal favorite--staggeringly untalented and inexplicably successful "filmmaker" Tyler Perry. (Sylvester Stallone is also listed for no apparent reason, as the report points out that he "has no known connection to the Albany steroids investigation." Perhaps the Times Union simply didn't want to appear racist.)

With the exception of 50 Cent--who looks like he might spend a sizable amount of time at the gym--what the hell are these people doing with their steroids? Using them as shampoo?

It's not unrealistic to suppose that some of them might need their goods to come with more detailed instructions, given that Blige's idea of a clever fake name under which to receive her illegal drugs is "Marlo Stanfield"--the name of a drug kingpin on HBO's "The Wire". There's a lot of parts in this story that are hard to believe...but the fact that Mary J. got caught is not at the top of the list.

1 comment:

ma-in-law said...

I wonder if it's the steroids that cause my odd attraction to 50 Cent?

My friend urged me to see the Tyler Perry movies (not the most recent-- the two before that. So memorable that I can't remember much besides the soft-focus romance shots.). She claimed they were hilarious. After watching the first one, I couldn't believe that this highly-respected, intelligent friend of mine thought it was anything other than total fucking crap, so I watched the second, hoping that I had accidentally viewed the "not-as-good" one first.

No. So fucking awful. I have to think of 50 Cent doing pull-ups in the "In Da Club" video to take the Tyler Perry visual taint away.