Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Fast and the Spurious

In recent years, the movie industry has done its part to alleviate the strain of living in today's hectic world by eliminating time-wasting definite articles from the titles of most of its product. While the technology does not yet exist to allow the powers that be to retroactively expunge the offensively specific grammar in previously-existing movie titles from both historical record and the minds of the general public (but your time will come, Lord of Rings: Fellowship of Ring), the producers of The Fast and the Furious have done the next best thing:

They've given the fourth movie in their franchise the exact same title as the first movie, only without the 'the's.

If Fast and Furious is successful enough, it may effectively erase the shame of being born of a film whose name wasted precious nanoseconds in the lives of all who read it--nanoseconds that could have been spent watching cars go vroom and/or concocting elaborate gay porn fantasies (that's right, fans of one or the other: when it comes to The Fast and the Furious, you're all in it together). Perhaps such an atonement will compel George Lucas to change Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull--at least in time for the film's special-edition DVD release--to Man Hat Whip.

1 comment:

Travis said...

As member/participant of hollywood, do you feel any responsibility for the excessive retreads of multiple films that were made years ago, and reguritated for the modern masses. I can't wait for the remake of Death Wish personally and Goodfellas 2 which revolves around Ray Liotta getting sandwiches and chicken salad.

Some horrifying stats:
2 Garfield Movies
4 Saw Movies
6 Rocky's
3 Friday's
2 Universal Soldiers
4 Spidermen
5 Batmen
5 Death Wishes
3 BTTF's
11 Friday the 13th
2 Carlito's Way - the most egregious of all of these

Am I missing any other tragedies against film goers?