What Would We Do, Baby, Without Josh Groban Including 'Family Ties' in His Theme-Song Medley at the Emmys, Which He Did Not...Sha-La-La-La...

I'll tell you exactly what we'll do: we'll find out who Josh Groban is, and then we'll dislike him forever.

The "Two and a Half Men" theme was deemed classic enough by the producers of Sunday night's Emmy Awards telecast to warrant inclusion in Groban's (bizarre but impressively-executed) medley of well-known television shows' opening-title tunes, but the starter ditty from "Family Ties" was not.

Between the two aforementioned songs, which one is in your head right now?

Obviously, it's the theme from "Family Ties"--because that's the one that people have actually heard of...not to mention the fact that it also happens to be the greatest lyric-based (putting "Magnum, P.I.", "The A-Team" and "Knight Rider" out of contention) TV show theme song in history.

For the producers of the 60th annual Primetime Emmys to be so lazy as to allow such a heinous oversight would be equivalent to me not making the nominal effort to learn if Josh Groban is the same singer whose first name is "Josh" that I think is married to Katherine Heigl, who I think might be on "House" or something (I don't watch a lot of popular television shows)...which is exactly what I will not be doing, in protest.

If Only Alex Had Taught Him How to Fake an Alibi

Brian Bonsall, also known as "Family Ties'" late-series-run-ratings-booster- via-cuteness-attempt Andy Keaton, apparently has not retained any of the conservative-leaning advice bestowed upon his character by his older brother Alex. When any Republican worth his salt beats on his old lady, he pays her off so she won't go to the cops (or at least he leaves town before having her killed).

Lord knows what your hippie parents think of your recent behavior, Andy...but you have no doubt shamed your brother. He had such high hopes that, as an adult, you'd be committing crimes and getting away with them.