President Who Didn't Give a Shit About You for 8 Years Desperately Craves Your Love

Having received his two weeks' notice to vacate the White House, George W. Bush has significantly ramped up his previous efforts to rewrite history and make it appear as though he ever cared about the country, the truth, humanity, morality, words or anything other than his sniveling, wretched self by self-publishing a book (a book! from the Bush administration!) entitled "Highlights of Accomplishment and Results".

Given that the online pamphlet clocks in at a whopping 50 pages--and despite that nearly half of those are dominated by pictures--it is likely that the outgoing President-Illegal had to have his legacy read to him. So, fine--that's one embarrassing mark on an otherwise spectacular presidency.

[via Gawker]

Donovan McNabb Donates Soup, Lies

While appearing at a press conference at the Super Bowl media center Wednesday, where Campbell's soup announced it was donating 1 million cans to food banks nationwide, sometime Philadelphia Eagles quarterback and all-the-time Campbell's soup pitchman Donovan McNabb said he wasn't jealous of the success Jeff Garcia experienced as his injury-necessitated replacement this season. If that's the truth, I will personally eat every last one of those cans.

Sure, Donovan. You're probably happy that a 75-year-old man who couldn't get a roster spot at the start of the season as a backup in Canadian disabled leagues and who looks like a turtle ended up making the job you cry about every year look easy. In fact, you probably have Jeff Garcia posters hanging on your bedroom walls...and those knife slashes ended up in them because you're not jealous.