"Ex-Massage Therapist's Rampage" Is Now a Phrase on the Books

Thanks, MSNBC, for making that happen.

And thank you more, ex-massage therapist who went on a gun rampage at a school board meeting in Panama City, FL, for failing to hit anyone you shot at--which otherwise would have made the phrase "ex-massage therapist's rampage" not so funny.

Thank you less for eventually taking your own life--which is never funny.

Nice save, "Today Show"! You felt the need to point out that the graffiti that the ex-massage therapist spray-painted on the wall before going on his unsuccessful gun rampage maybe referenced a Natalie Portman movie that nobody saw, thereby pulling an ultimately sad act closer back towards the realm of stupid.

(As for the lady who weakly hit the guy with her purse somewhere in the middle...God bless Florida and to all a Merry Christmas.)

Metroville's Movie Corner 2026: Shia LaBeouf IS Terry Francona in 'Reverse the Curse'*

I've been telling my wife for years that Boston Red Sox manager Terry Francona is an older version of Shia LaBeouf. At last, I have found two video clips of the aforementioned individuals that (sort of) prove my case:






*(That might not turn out to be the exact title of the film; perhaps it'll be based on Stephen King and Stewart O'Nan's book.)

Can I Be a Dick for Two Seconds Regarding the Below Caption?

(1) No, you don't.

(2) Some people do.

To the video!

I Wonder If They've Tried Scaring Her

You know who doesn't find the above clip at all funny? This girl.

Now 'The Today Show' Will Never Win the Super Bowl

Former NFL running back Tiki Barber (y'know--the Barber twin who didn't win a Super Bowl) is set to become an NBC television personality, a hiring that is scheduled to be formally announced by NBC in a press conference on Tuesday. Barber, who will begin his new job in April, will be a news correspondent for “The Today Show” and is expected to have a role in the NBC’s Sunday night football broadcasts.

Personally, I think this is a very risky signing for NBC, particularly with regards to "Today". Barber has said that rather than being another ex-athlete who sits on a panel and pontificates about the game he used to play, he wants to be a "do-it-all" broadcaster...specifically citing "Today" co-host Matt Lauer as the type of broadcasting personality he hopes to become.

How can the network not see the writing on the wall? He might be all smiles and "no regrets" on the surface, but you just know that to retire after one of the best seasons of his career without a Super Bowl ring is just eating Tiki up inside. It might not happen right away, but sooner or later that repressed rage is going to fry some circuits in Barber's brain, leading to an altogether deadly Single White Female situation between him and Lauer, the unwitting object of Tiki's misdirected obsession. I don't see this turning out well for anybody...particularly Meredith Viera, whom Tiki might very well end up killing with a shoe. Tune in this spring!