Monday, June 16, 2008

Mark Wahlberg Bites Three Hands that Feed Him Clean Off, Wipes Ass with Each

While promoting his widely mocked performance in the latest nail in M. Night Shyamalan's career's coffin , the Artist Formerly Known As Marky Mark took the opportunity to backhand George Clooney--the costar of one of Mark Wahlberg's only two good movies who subsequently ushered the undeserving actor into two other major motion pictures (Rock Star and The Perfect Storm)--Brad Pitt--the costar of Wahlberg's best chance for a desperately-needed third good movie--and Matt Damon--the overlooked costar of the film that garnered the one time underpants model a freaking Academy Award nomination--all in one fell swoop by enthusiastically criticizing the Ocean's Eleven franchise--which starred George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Matt Damon (in the role originally offered to Mark Wahlberg)--to the exclamation point-addicted Zoo Today:

ZOO: "Is it true you turned down the chance to be in the Ocean's films?"

LEADER OF THE FUNKY BUNCH: "Yeah - and it was well worth it!... People tell George Clooney it's great, but we all know it sucked... [Making other movies] was better than sitting with Brad and George, telling the press how great everybody is!"

I completely agree with Wahlberg's implied assessment that none of the three Ocean's films comes close to approaching high art; however, the first and third installments are near-perfect examples of well-polished, mindless entertainment, while Ocean's Twelve--albeit the worst of the bunch and a pretty crappy movie in its own right--stands head and shoulders above any product released between 2000 and 2007 that featured the man who once compelled the world to c'mon c'mon and feel feel his vibrations (with the arguable exception of I Heart Huckabees).

Even though Wahlberg--who had at one time decided that the best way to capitalize on the success of Boogie Nights was to star in a movie with Antonio Sabato Jr.--pointedly added in the Zoo interview that he "do[es] love" Clooney, Pitt and Damon, one is made to wonder if that trio now loves He Who Wasn't Talented Enough To Join New Kids On The Block in turn...or at least as much as they do the boats, motorcycles and sex they received as a result of participating in the Ocean's Eleven franchise.

[Photo courtesy Defamer via whoever they got it from.]


John Barleycorn said...

I think, no matter the crap Marky Mark made before and during and after the Ocean's series, he's right. It is crap. It's Hollywood handjob crap. At least Marky Mark is unashamedly making horrible films and not praising crap performances.

bart said...

Up until Bourne I thought Wahlberg WAS Matt Damon, so what do I know about Hollywood?

This: M. Night Whatshisname is pathetic and I cannot understand why anybody watches anything of his.

(I came here to read about the Celtics but got dragged into the celebrity game.)