90% of U.S. Money Laced with Cocaine

Thank god my mom's in Europe right now.

She'll be back within two weeks from the time of this posting, America, at which point you will have two options: (A) stop using cocaine or (B) switch to the peso standard.

Although...if we're talking Mexican pesos...

Forget option 'B'. Either (A) stop using cocaine or (C) stop using money. Trade animals for goods instead.

Although...

Cardiac Arrest Wit'cha

Bobby Brown had a heart attack Tuesday night. (Don't worry, the one person with a ticket to his vaguely described "scheduled performance" on Saturday, he survived.) According to his attorney, doctors are attributing the incident to "stress and diet".

I don't mean to be cruel, but it's my prerogative to state that every little step of this story leads me to suspect that Bobby Brown's heart attack might have had something to do with his well-documented history of cocaine abuse. Or maybe I'm just humpin' around.

Roni.