90% of U.S. Money Laced with Cocaine

Thank god my mom's in Europe right now.

She'll be back within two weeks from the time of this posting, America, at which point you will have two options: (A) stop using cocaine or (B) switch to the peso standard.

Although...if we're talking Mexican pesos...

Forget option 'B'. Either (A) stop using cocaine or (C) stop using money. Trade animals for goods instead.

Although...

1 Glass of Champagne = 91 Calories

Sure, it's great that you no longer weigh half a ton and were able to leave your house for the first time in five years. But seeing as you're still pushing 9 bills, maybe you ought to celebrate with a nice glass of water...and save the bubbly for, say, when you're able to move without the aid of a forklift.

Bank of America Won't Tell If You Aren't

In a move of bold defiance to the popular notion that large corporations are insensitive to the needs of the working man, Bank of America Corp. has begun offering credit cards to customers without Social Security numbers--"typically illegal immigrants", the Wall Street Journal helpfully points out.

According to the Journal, Bank of America tested the program last year at five branches in Los Angeles, and last week expanded it to 51 branches in Los Angeles County, home to the largest concentration of illegal immigrants in the U.S. (and me!). The bank hopes to roll out the program nationally later this year.

I think this ought to prove to all the capitalism-hating hippies out there that just because a company is incredibly rich and powerful, some--like Bank of America--will still go the extra mile to help customers who, for one reason or another ("the law", for instance), wouldn't normally have access to their services.

That is, of course, until said customer-in-need runs out of money...and then that dirty, lawbreaking Mexican better go back to his own country where he belongs.