Hillary Clinton's Preferred Alternate Universe Discovered in Bush Country (and none of the preceding was a lesbian joke)

On Saturday, a lesbian won the mayoral race of the largest U.S. city to ever vote an openly homosexual candidate to that office--which I think is awesome.

That city, however, is Houston--which flies in the face of my beloved, east-coast-bred and west-coast-nurtured, hippie-liberal stereotypes of the home state of the Worst President Ever.

But, taking into account that Houston Mayor-elect Annise Parker beat out a black person for the job, it kind of makes sense:

The George Bush-loving rednecks of Houston--faced with what they no doubt viewed as a "lesser of two evils"-type of situation--obviously opted to stick it to the American Negro President and that uppity bitch (and current U.S. Secretary of State) who once challenged the former for the Democratic presidential candidacy by voting for a woman with short blonde hair and a penchant for pantsuits instead of a colored fella.

My liberal bigotry is once again validated; all is right (and/or wrong) with the world.

Racism NOW!

Were one to assume that Texas--pretend home of George W. Bush and actual home of the state-sanctioned murder of retarded people--was by and large populated by close-minded bigots, wouldn't that make one a bigot oneself?

Technically, yes. But that does nothing to dissuade my strong suspicion (previously alluded to following other Democratic state primaries) that if Barack Obama were of just a slightly paler skin tone, the "fact" that Hillary Clinton is one a'dem uppity bitches who don't know her place is in the kitchen would have sealed up the nomination for him by now.

Alas, it hasn't. And any way you slice it, prejudice wins.

Perhaps America's next president, wealthy white male John McCain, will finally bridge those longstanding cultural divides.

Reason #3,043 to Hate People (Even If You Like Persons)

A 3- or 4-year-old girl gets hit by a car and has to be taken to a hospital.

That's terrible, and your heart goes out to her and her family. (Thankfully, the girl's injuries turned out to be non-life-threatening.)

When the driver who struck the girl stops to check on her, a group of men (part of a crowd of thousands that had gathered to celebrate the anniversary of news of the Emancipation Proclamation reaching Galveston) attacks and ends up beating the passenger of the car to death.

That's humanity at its finest, and all the heroes involved should be awfully proud of themselves.

Jesus in a Tree

And to think...I was worried after Molly Ivins died that there'd be nothing left in Texas but crazy. (You might have to select 'Play' on the video page.)

Molly Ivins, Last Non-Stereotypical Texan, has Died

Columnist and author Molly Ivins, who was a walking contradiction in that she was an outspoken, well-known Texan and not a gun-toting, Bible-thumping, pro-Bush crazy person, succumbed to a lengthy battle with breast cancer Wednesday evening at the age of 62. Although technically she was a California native (she moved to Houston with her family when she was a young girl), Ivins, with her colorful criticisms of the Iraq War, stood as a shining example of everything George W. Bush wants the rest of the world to think Texas (and, let's be honest, America) isn't. If you happen to be a Texan who isn't a yee-haw nutbag, the passing of Molly Ivins ought to make you particularly sad.

(On a side note, I'm concerned that my blog hasn't even been in existence for 48 hours and it already contains 2 obituaries. I hope that blind shaman wasn't right about me being a curse on the world--I've got five bucks riding on that bet.)