Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Nebraska High School Wrestler the Typhoid Mary of Herpes

Who would have ever thought that the practice of half-naked teenagers grinding their sweaty flesh against one another could pose a health risk? The Minnesota State High School League is thinking it now, as they've banned wrestling until February 6 after tracing 24 cases of herpes gladitorium reported by members of 10 different teams to a wrestling tournament known as the Clash Duals that took place in Rochester, MN December 29-30. There were two teams from Nebraska that participated in the tournament--Valentine and Omaha Skutt--and it's been determined that an unnamed young man from Valentine (naturally) is likely the engine that got the STD train rolling. He should totally mention this incident on his college applications--talk about making an impact in your community!

What's important to note, here, is that for all the stupid names associated with this story (Clash Duals, Omaha Skutt), the coolest one actually belongs to the strain of herpes in question. "Gladitorium"? There's no more badass-sounding disease you can contract, other than perhaps "Thunderdome Chlamydia".

For their part, the School Activities Association in Nebraska--the state that houses the kid who started this whole problem, mind you--has no plans to enact a wrestling moratorium similar to the one laid down in Minnesota. So if you're a Nebraska high school student currently looking to join an extracurricular activity, I heartily recommend the chess team.


David said...

This is just too brilliant. I can only imagine how these boys will explain to future partners that they contracted herpes from another guy.

valerielogan said...

The herpes this kid spread is not the same kind of herpes that Paris Hilton or Michael Vick have aka the STD kind of herpes.

It's still embarassing as hell for the kid but the results shouldn't be permanent.

The University of Michigan has a webpage about herpes gladiatorium.

Johnny said...

Good info, valerie...and it furthers my assumption that herpes gladitorium is the coolest herpes a person can get.

taylormade said...

The truth is that no Valentine Wrestler has tested positive for any kind of Herpes! The wrestler in question had a culture test done and it was proven not to be herpes, he went to a Dermatologist used by the University of Nebraska-Kearney wrestling team. My guess is that Omaha Skutt probably started the rumor. Hope this helps, but what can you say to a state that elects a former Wrestler as their Governor.

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