Ruh-Roh, Rikki Rockett

Continuing what is apparently Awesome 80s Music Week here on Metroville is some decidedly un-awesome news (involving a member of a band that it is, admittedly, significantly less awesome than the one featured in the previous post): Former Poison drummer Rikki Rockett has been arrested on rape charges.

With no disrespect intended to the alleged victim (in an incident that apparently took place in Mississippi), my question to Rikki Rockett is this:

Were you compelled to rape simply because the word starts with the letter 'R'? I understand you have a whole alliteration thing going on, but so many other activities would have fulfilled the requirement--rowboating, reading, rollerblading...the list goes on and on. And I'm betting that the vast majority of your 'R'-related options, if done properly, wouldn't have gotten you run up the river.

Moreover, I wouldn't have had to find out that your real name is "Richard Ream", which--particularly in light of this latest development--is really rather revolting.