Bush Stoically Concedes to Devouring by Velociraptor

You know that part in Jurassic Park where that guy is hunting a Velociraptor only to discover that he's actually been lured into a trap by another Velociraptor that was hunting him [clip above]? And right before he gets ripped to shreds, he goes, "Clever girl"?

This is like that. George W. Bush refusing to pardon Scooter Libby on his last day in office is like admitting that the Velociraptor that is about to kill you is clever--no more, no less.

The President-Illegal is dead, having been devoured by the Velociraptors of History (who also on Monday put Dick Cheney in a wheelchair). Long live the President-Actual!

...And Justice for Rich Republicans Who are Friends with the Vice President

It had been touch-and-go in the month since Dick Cheney's former chief of staff Lewis "Scooter" Libby was sentenced to 30 months in prison for his involvement in leaking the identity of CIA agent Valerie Plame back in 2003, with President Bush appearing to waver on the question of whether or not he would pardon him. In the eleventh hour, our commander-in-chief has heroically stepped up and commuted Libby's sentence--effectively though not technically pardoning him because Libby will still have to pay a $250,000 fine and serve two years of probation--thus reconfirming his standing as Arguably the Most Corrupt and Incompetent President in America's History.

Happy Birthday, U.S.A.!

Disposable Evil Sidekick to be Punished; Important Evil People Yawn

So Scooter Libby's going to prison for 30 months. If you think this is a victory against the corruption and tyranny of the current U.S. presidential administration, think again.

Guys like Scooter Libby are kept around by guys like Dick Cheney for the specific purpose of being thrown under the bus when the heat is on. It's the very reason Gene Hackman's Lex Luthor kept whoever Ned Beatty played around in the first two Superman movies.

And you know what? Libby wasn't even the Beatty character to Cheney's Luthor--that's lending him too much importance. He was more like Jon Cryer in Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. (That's the one where, best I can remember, Superman battles a gay erotic dancer made of nuclear power or something.)

Scooter Libby Finishes Trial with an .800 Batting Average

Obstruction of Justice: Guilty.

False Statements to FBI Investigators about Russert Conversation: Guilty.

False Statement to FBI Investigators about Cooper Conversation: Not Guilty.

Perjury to the Grand Jury about Russert Conversation: Guilty.

Perjury to the Grand Jury about Cooper Conversation: Guilty.

Don't let that miss on the second false statement charge get you down, Scooter. You've proven yourself more than capable of inclusion on any one of a number of prison baseball teams.

'Law & Order' Star (hearts) Crime

Former Tennessee Republican Senator and current star of NBC's "Law & Order" Fred Dalton Thompson (he plays the District Attorney, who gets maybe two scenes an episode, thereby rendering calling him a "star" of the show suspect) showed up at the Scooter Libby trial today, explaining to reporters that he was there because he is "a friend of Scooter Libby and his family".

You see that, extreme right-wing conservative Republicans who hold blind alliegance to George W. Bush? Hollywood's not all bad. Just because an actor might play a person who stands for truth and justice on TV, that doesn't necessarily mean that in real life he doesn't publicly support perjury, obstruction of justice and the endangering of national security in the name of getting back at somebody who criticized the president. Perhaps there's hope for the godless entertainment industry yet!