The Most Stupidest Thing I've Ever Seen in This Tuesday

People who base their opinions on the opinions of celebrities are fools. People who may end up voting for Barack Obama simply because celebrities told them to are fortunate fools, given that--movie star endorsements notwithstanding--Barack Obama happens to be the only choice for rational human beings who want America to stand any chance of digging itself out of the quagmire into which it has been progressively stuffed over the last eight years.

As for people who may end up voting for John McCain because Stephen Baldwin--the honest-to-goodness least Baldwin (say what you will about Daniel, "Homicide" was a good show)--told them to...there simply are no words.

That did not discourage the ultraconservative Fox News from dressing the star of the crime against humanity that was the direct-to-DVD Slap Shot sequel in a suit and plopping him in front of the "Just In" cameras as an ostensible counterpoint to the vast wave of support that Obama has received from the entertainment industry. The resultant clip--seen above--is unintentional-comedy gold in its entirety; I've taken the liberty to rank and examine what I believe are the five best moments:

#5: 1:45 - 2:32. Blindly following a miscue from a rambling, anti-Hollywood question by "Just In" host Laura Ingraham, Stephen Baldwin pretends to forget the circumstances under which he came to appear on the program and tries to reposition himself as a regular fella raised in a hardscrabble environment--before Ingraham, contrary to her own purposes, inadvertently corrects him. It's like an attempted high-five that results in two bloody noses.

#4: 2:42 - 2:59. Drowning in his counterintuitive desire to politely bring an end to Ingraham's bashing of Stephen Baldwin's liberal yet far more successful brother Alec, the actor most recently known from "Celebrity Apprentice" blurts out: "If Barack gets nominated, I'll be moving out of the country," before quickly adding...

#3: 3:00 - 3:03. "...Now watch all the media have fun with that." Sir Stephen, if you are allowed to consider yourself a celebrity, I am allowed to consider this blog legitimate media. Therefore, I thank you: I am having fun with that.

#2: 1:24 - 1:44. "What's blowing [Stephen Baldwin's] mind" is that Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, once rivals for the Democratic presidential nomination, now stand united. According to the star of not just one but two ménage à trois movies who became a born-again Christian, such a change in viewpoint is not "authentic". One can only conclude that Stephen's boys George W. Bush and John McCain have, by contrast, always had each other's back.

#1: 3:33 - 3:45. Stephen Baldwin, celebrity Republican: "'Four more years of McCain is gonna be four more years of Bush?' That's the most stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life." Where, oh, where could any right-wing zealot have picked up such poor grammar?

Perhaps movie stars can tell us!