Sunday, July 27, 2008

Obama Targets McCain's Base by Gaining Senior-Citizenship

If there's one thing John McCain has on Barack Obama, it's the elder candidate's trademark elderliness. Nobody does more voting than old people (regardless of their comprehension of the process), and the more mileage a presidential hopeful has, the better his chances are among the coveted demographic.

Since emerging as the presumptive Democratic nominee, Obama made little ground in closing the superannuated-appeal gap between McCain--a septuagenarian white male who fought in a war and frowns at things--and himself--a comparative teenager whose skin tone is deeply alarming to the average Caucasian-American over the age of 60. The tide may very well turn, however, now that Obama--one day after returning from an overseas trip sealing up his bonus nomination as President of the World--has made a strong move to draw away McCain supporters by acquiring a hip injury: a.k.a. the international sign for advanced age.

It was a brilliant tactic by the Obama campaign, as senior citizens throughout the U.S. will now be unable to resist sympathizing with the presidential candidate that a large percentage of them had previously only known as "the black fellow". If McCain intends to counter this shot across the bow from Obama by "out-injuring" himself to an equivalent degree, his only option would be death...and that might hurt his chances in November.

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