Old Man Lied to by Idiot

As far more people than have any reason to already know (in a world that made any kind of sense, the actual number would be, uh...two), Paris Hilton appeared on "Larry King Live" last night to deliver her first post-imprisonment interview.

In said interview, Paris told Larry that she has never used drugs.

She also said some other things, apparently (she has found God, she can read, the sky is chartreuse...and so on). If you care about any of it--keeping in mind the fact that Paris Hilton told Larry King that she has never used drugs--shame on you. I didn't watch the interview and, for that very reason, I have to cease writing this post now to resume congratulating myself. Way to go, me!