A 66-year-old Brazilian man has accomplished on his own something it once took the combined efforts of the late-20's incarnations of Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube to do: defeated an anaconda.
When Joaquim Pereira came upon the sight of his 8-year-old grandson Mateus with a 16-foot-snake coiled around his neck and squeezing the life out of the boy on Thursday, he beat the thing with rocks and a knife (I wonder what his choice of alternating pattern was--bash, bash, stab? stab, bash, stab?) for half an hour until it released his grandson. Mateus survived, receiving 21 stitches on his chest where the snake had bitten him.
A 66-year-old man took on an anaconda and won! If only he could have been there for Owen Wilson back in '97. (SPOILER ALERT: Yeah, Owen Wilson gets eaten by the anaconda in Anaconda.)