NONE OF THE FOLLOWING THAT IS NOT IN BOLD, ORIGINALLY POSTED ON FRIDAY, IS TRUE.
Have you heard the one about the crazy astronaut lady who drove 900 miles in a diaper to try to kill another lady who was into another astronaut that the crazy lady was also into? Of course you have.
And in a development that should surprise absolutely no one (Defamer is already days ahead of the curve in narrowing down prospective casting choices), the film rights to Lisa Marie Nowak's story have been optioned [Ed. note: dead link]--specifically, the film rights to a New York Times article about Lisa Marie Nowak's story, written by John Schwartz. The production company who ponied up an undisclosed sum for the piece is Granada America--yes, the Granada America, producers of such legendary made-for-TV fare as the Jason Priestly vehicle I Want to Marry Ryan Banks and The Twelve Days of Christmas Eve, starring Molly Shannon. They have gone on record as saying that the story will be developed "either for a feature or television film".
If Granada America actually believes that The Stalker Wore Space Underpants: The Lisa Marie Nowak Story will ever see the inside of a multiplex--as opposed to the living rooms of proud, NASA-supporting Americans, where it rightfully belongs--they certainly are shooting for the moon.
Get it? The moon? That's where astronauts have gone on occasion!
Once the original link reporting this news had vanished, I was compelled to inquire further, and found this. Apparently, The New York Times is saying that neither the newspaper nor John Schwartz has or plans a deal with Granada. Damn you, lying producers of "But Can They Sing?"!
UPDATE (02/11/07): John Schwartz, the very man who wrote the New York Times article at this center of this story, has been kind enough to comment on this post and further clarify the matter. As you can see in his explanation of how this false report ever got out in the first place (his second comment--the fifth one down), he's taking the fact that his name and reputation were used in a big fat lie on the part of Granada America with more grace and maturity than I would have. Maybe that's why he writes for one of the most respected publications in the world and I often spent large portions of weekdays in pajama pants.