Russian Soldiers Putting the 'Service' Back in 'Servicemen'

For all the talk about how brave and hardworking American soldiers are, it appears they could stand to learn a thing or two from their Russian counterparts about just how to "be all you can be". For starters, they could force one another into prostitution more often, like the resourceful young men (and I do only mean men) of interior troops unit No. 3727, stationed in St. Petersburg.

The office of that city's military prosecutor is launching an inquiry into claims made by the Soldiers' Mothers group ("a leading Russian nongovernment organization championing soldiers' rights"--apparently through emasculation, if the group's name is any indication) that a conscript in the aforementioned unit was forced into part-time employment in the world's oldest profession by fellow soldiers who beat him and demanded that he earn money for them. This incident is far from an isolated one (or, if you will, more than just a "wham, bam, thank you...sir"), according to Valentina Melnikova, the head of Soldiers' Mothers, who told the Associated Press that "there are certain military units where such things come up every once in a while." (Insofar as I am less than fluent in the Russian language, I can only assume that some degree of urgency was lost in the translation of that statement.)

While Russia's Interior Ministry is hard at work attempting to discredit the conscript who made the claim, human rights activist Ruslan Linkov has stated that allegations about soldiers from unit No. 3727 being forced into the sex-for-pay game have been around for several years but prosecutors continue to ignore them. Linkov asserts that forced male prostitution among the ranks of Russian servicemen stationed at home has become "a professional business"...and that "generals and colonels [are] among clients".

You hear that, American soldiers? Members of the Russian military are so loyal to their superiors that they're willing to do whatever it takes--whatever it takes--to please them (or, if they happen to be a little higher up the ladder themselves, pummelling their subordinates into doing it so that they can make money)! I declare that the men (sorry, ladies, but I think it seems pretty clear where the demand lies) of America's armed forces must rally themselves at once to join the international prostitution race, before Russia gets too far ahead and we find ourselves in another Cold War.