Girl, You Know It's True...Pray as You Might That It Isn't

Milli Vanilli: The Movie.

What should at best be a throwaway joke (perhaps delivered by Young MC) on VH1's "I Love the 90s" is soon to be a horrifying reality, thanks to the inspiration of writer-director Jeff Nathanson (who, for the purposes of the project, is all too clearly favoring his basest Rush Hour 3 instincts at the expense of his Catch Me If You Can potential).

If the Variety report is to be believed, Fabrice Morvan--the surviving member of music's greatest punchline--has long been resistant to let Hollywood get its hands on the Milli Vanilli story, and only acquiesced once Nathanson convinced him that he would spin the duo's tale sympathetically, from their point of view. Sure. And I'll bet Morvan really squeezed Universal on the deal points, too...holding out for three cases of ramen noodles when they were only offering two and a half.

For Biz Markie's sake, Variety isn't even taking this project seriously enough to keep track of which member of Milli Vanilli is still alive! In the third paragraph of their piece appear the words "Rob Pilatus, who died in 1998"...which are completely contradicted two paragraphs later, when the article informs us that "Morvan took it hardest, falling into drug abuse and serving time for robbery before dying from a drug overdose ." (Pilatus is the one who's actually deceased. I hope at least Jeff Nathanson is aware of that.)

Most people would look at a music duo that was popular for 15 minutes in the eyes of no one over the age of 11 nearly two decades ago and is now remembered only for being a laughable fraud whom the definitive source for entertainment industry news can't even be bothered to find out which of the two remains above ground and think: "I'm not interested in that."

The ruling class of the movie business? They look at the exact same thing and think: "Box office gold."

I'm looking forward to seeing who's right. (SPOILER ALERT: It's not the movie people.)

UPDATE: Variety has amended the article in an attempt to cover up their double murder of Milli Vanilli (perhaps they'll try to Blame It On the Rain?) (no? too soon?), but--luckily for justice--I have retained a copy of the damning evidence. If it pleases the court: