Because If She Hadn't Died, the Movie Would Probably be Nominated for Several Academy Awards

If you showered recently, it might be advisable to move along before immersing yourself in the continuing Anna Nicole Smith Death Fallout Sleazefest '07. The latest (and, admittedly, comparatively benign) development is that the producers of Ms. (or was it "Mrs."? has that been settled yet?) Smith's final thespian outing (one of whom, John James, appeared on "Larry King Live" the night of her death to help scuzzbaggify the proceedings) have gently implied that if she were still with us today, Illegal Aliens would be receiving a theatrical release instead of going straight to DVD.

Watch the above trailer and decide for yourself: Does Mr. James truly believe that Anna Nicole's tragic passing has robbed us not only of the woman herself but also of the opportunity to marvel at a tale "replete with metaphors of her life" (I assume he means that Anna Nicole's house was once spectacularly annihilated as a result of improperly-stored flatware) on the big screen...or is he more inclined to privately celebrate the fact that it was the best possible thing that ever could have happened to his destined-for-the-bargain-bin offering?

Perhaps we'll all have to wait until the DVD comes out in May to pass final judgment. After all, there's no way that brief tidbits of Chyna screaming at various pitches in harshly-lit settings that appear to be made entirely of cardboard can give one an understanding of the full scope of her performance.